Sunday, May 22, 2011

People who have trouble saying "no" usually hang out with people who have trouble hearing "no."

A friend recently made that point to me.  I thought and weighed it carefully.  I don't think I am a people pleaser, but maybe I am.  I think I can say, "No" but do I have to get to a breaking point before I will say it? Probably.  Do I hang out with people who have trouble hearing "no?" Maybe.  I am very protective of my time with my family and will usually shout, "NO!" to the world, when I feel that time is threatened!  Does anyone else do that?  I have a pretty strong will, and Rob says I am pretty good at saying, 'no' to others (or at least to him!)  As I have gotten older, I have learned how important it is to be decisive, and I am learning that there are those who don't hear well.
The point really isn't about me, but about my children.  What am I teaching them?  Do my children have a strong voice?  Can they say that simple word in the face of peer pressure and even in just everyday conversations?

If I don't teach them to say, "No" now to the friend who says, "Come on!  You should do what I do,"  how will they be prepared when the really tough pressure starts?

Consider teaching your children to say "No" by remembering to be "N.I.C.E."

N- say "no," not "maybe" or "later."  Teach your child to be decisive.
I- follow with an "I" statement.  "I will not do that or I have my own opinion."
C- Change the subject.  "No. I will not do that.  What did you do fun over the weekend?"
E- Exit.  If none of these are working and the pressure continues, have an exit plan.  Your child should leave the situation right away.  Let him or her know that you are always available to provide the 'exit.'  

Practice these steps with your children by presenting many different situations, not just the tough ones.  Teach them to form an opinion (be aware that it may not be the same as yours.)  Of course, teaching your child to say, "no" doesn't mean when you ask her to unload the dishes, she can say  "No.  I will not unload the dishes.  Let's go get an ice cream."

Also, pray for healthy friendships for your children.  If they have good friends, they won't find themselves in uncomfortable situations very often.  Lastly, teach them to set goals for themself.  If they have good goals for the future, they are more likely to make good choices.  Ask your child what his or her goals are and help them achieve them!

I usually do not recommend a book that I have not read, but after researching, this one looks pretty good.  I think I will add it to my list! 

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I want my children to have their own opinions.  I want them to have convictions about what they believe.  I want them to be able to say, "No" and accept that maybe somebody won't like them for it!    

Consider practicing these steps with some games, where you pretend to be a pressuring friend.  Kids love 'pretend' games and this will help them identify situations where they need to stand strong.
I think I need to do some role playin' with my children and to teach them to have a strong voice.

But first, I better make sure that I am being N.I.C.E!

Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.  ~Proverbs 22:6
The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.  ~Proverbs 12:26

Blessings to you!

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Pine Tree Home said...

Great post. I passed this along to friends of mine!

At The Picket Fence said...

Wonderful post Christie! I laughed just a little when I saw it, because I'm working on something I've tentatively titled: "No" is not a four letter I feel that often we in the Christian community make people feel guilty for saying "no" especially when it comes to a "church" related activity. I am a people pleaser and I definitely tend to draw people into my life that are needy. I love to bless others but it often comes at the expense of my family and myself.

Thanks for this great reminder to practice saying no in a loving kiddos are much better than I was at saying "no" when they need to. Much love,

Seven Sisters said...

Thanks Christie! for encouraging words...i fall short of being the mom He wants me to be so often, but certain i am the one He wants for the job :) you're a blessing! have put gladness in my ♥ ps.4
♥J. sevensisters

Cozy Home Cottage said...

I really like the N-I-C-E approach. It reminds me of the Bible verse that teaches us to let our No, be no and our Yes, be yes. I think I am going to post this one on our school room wall. Wishing you a beautiful and blessed week, dear friend.

Maria Babin said...

christy, This is awesome! I think I'm going to teach my children NICE! what a great idea! bisous, maria

Unknown said...

great post!!! I am passing this on to my children for my grands!!!

Jen @ EmbellishingLifeEveryday said...

This is some excellent food for thought! Thanks for sharing this!

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