Marriage - Two Lumps of Coal

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A lump of coal is dirty, a product of decaying plants, a pollutant and produces soot.  Some studies indicate that, through intense heat, pressure and time, a lump of coal can become a priceless gem.

The Wedding Report, a market research publication indicates that the average American wedding cost $29,000.  Keep in mind, the median household income in America is around $46,000 a year. 

If I asked you to board a plane that had a fifty percent chance of crashing, would you still get on that flight?   The divorce rate in America hovers right around fifty percent.  One in two marriages is likely to end in divorce.  Why do so many people get married, spend exorbitant amounts of money on a one-day event and take lots of pictures to remember it with only a fifty percent chance of actually staying married?  Why are so many young people misguided to think they will be the other fifty percent; the ones who stay married?  Why are they boarding a plane with only half a chance of survival? 

Through a Prepare and Enrich program at our church, Rob and I counsel young couples who are engaged to be married.  Often, I think after they have left our home, we have scared them away from the altar!  The program is intended to help these young people assess their beliefs about marriage, discuss issues such as careers, children, faith, finances, house chores, etc…Many of these couples have been brought up in Truth and in loving, nurturing homes. They are bright; they have good morals, good intentions and great big hopes and dreams for their marriages. 

The most common problem we see is that these couples do not think they will ever have major problems.  Rob and I are a part of the program to give them a different perspective.  It is not our goal to scare them, but to encourage them to be prepared.  Isaiah 43:2 says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.” Notice it says “when” and not “if” you pass through the waters.  We will all pass through the raging waters.  We will all endure the intense heat at some point in our lives. 

While we hope to give a real snapshot of marriage, we also try to remind them that God does not want to make our lives miserable with our spouses.  He intends for us to have joy in our marriages.  But, His ultimate goal is to see each of us at the foot of the cross with a transformed heart; a heart that can glorify Him fully.  Often He will use our spouses to bring about the transformation, and often it will come out of struggles, difficulties and the pressures of life.  Let’s face it; without our spouses, we like ourselves just the way we are.  Walking down that aisle to get married at the seemingly invincible age of 22, I liked myself and didn’t see the need to change.  God had other plans. 

The truth is that we don’t grasp the concept of how depraved we are.  We are all lumps of coal. 

We shouldn’t discourage young couples from boarding that plane, but we should prepare our young people for what lies ahead.  First, they need to recognize their natural, sinful state and understand that the heat and the pressure are necessary to transform their hearts.  They should be aware of the turbulence and possible disasters that loom.  They should have resources to help them deal with conflict and the names of great Christian counselors to help guide them should they not find resolution.

Through intense heat, pressure and time, a lump of coal can become a priceless gem. 

The next time you have to buy a wedding gift, give a pressure cooker; maybe a crock pot.  Wish the couple a happy marriage, but tell them to endure the heat, the pressure and by all means, put the setting on low and endure the time.  Don’t we all want to be a diamond, instead of a lump of coal? 

Twenty years later, Rob and I still experience the heat.  The difference is that we expect, in this fallen world, the trials will come.  We resolve conflict differently, and we know our resources if we can’t.  There are times we adore each other and times when our hearts are sinfully full of contempt.  Either way, we are on a journey to the cross, and the Lord has decided that we need each other to get there.

Approximately 100 tons of mud must be mined to produce one carat of diamond.

Diamonds are beautiful, light refracting gems that do more than shine and sparkle, they create optical magic.  A diamond is the hardest known natural material on the Mohs scale of mineral hardness, where hardness is defined as resistance to scratching.  Have you ever wondered why we wear diamonds when we get married and vow to wear them the rest of our lives?  Maybe, just maybe, with endurance through the heat, the pressure and the time, it is a permanent reminder of what we can become. 


Blessings to all of you in your journey!

Edit (1/18/12): One reader pointed out that the divorce rate is not as high as 1 in 2 marriages.  Most of the articles I read stated it was as high as 50%.  This link gives a breakdown and additional information.  Thank you, Michele for sharing!

Buzzle; USAToday; Wikipedia